Written April 29th at 4:45am.
Today I wrote my heart out. But it felt more like my cum leaking out the pen and spilling all over the page... it felt like the moments I was empty and I feel unsatisfied and then you came to me and told me to relax... You showed up in my dreams. Then again in my messages. Now you’re back in my dreams, making special cameos in my thoughts and it’s starting to feel...
...like the moments you grab my neck and shove my face further onto your shaft making a home in my throat for your big beautiful dick. Shaping my holes to fit for you and only you... you carve your name into my esophagus. you force me to take deep breaths and then swallow you on exhale... you practice with me how to please you and I have no idea what to do with this... control.
...like the days I know I need nothing but to be spanked into my place because rightfully so, I deserve to be there. But you make me wait for the day I can slide onto you and make myself comfortable as I insert you into my chest. You are molding my walls to fit you and only you, though you’ve never been inside this home... something about my imagination has your name written all over this place... you’ve managed to hypnotize me and I have no idea what to do with this... patience.
...like that one day you held me and rubbed my back... your hands are placed intentionally, carefully... you squeeze gently enough for me to know at any moment you can break me but you choose to handle with care. You choose to address me respectfully and objectively, all in the same breaths. You asked me how I felt and your voice confirmed you knew exactly what I was thinking even though no words crossed my lips... you managed to teach me telepathy and I had no idea what to do with this... mind fuck.
...like the other times, I felt inferior... I very much still often debate if I’m enough for you... Someone who knows what they want, someone who has lived through heartache- as I have- but has conquered their desires but denying themselves the pleasure, as I hope to do. Or do you deny yourself? On these days, I hope to please you by allowing her to touch you, feed you, and feel you... I may not be enough and if I am, I don’t feel like it... but on these days, my emotions rest to give you what you need, what you really want... you’ve revealed your needs and I have no idea to do with this... opportunity.
...like A kink home that serves you. Filled with peace and bouncing breast that move to the beat of your feet. Your stride creates a desire to give abundantly and urgently... in a place we have never been before but a home, nonetheless. A group of lovers who deserve it all, but will not allow anyone to give it to them... A woman of curiosity who has never been here before but has challenged you to challenge her. A younger woman of experience who invited her insecurities to be dismissed by you... and you, a man of stubborn mystery, and gentlemen like agenda with un-gentlemen like appetites, drilling ideas of harmony and silky wet dreams all over my satin sheets... you have given me a tingling sensation and I know exactly what to do with this... infatuation.
But will I be allowed to show you how my body moves with thoughts of you surrounding me at night, holding me and filling me up as you do? leaving your juices all over my body because I like to sleep in our puddles. I wanna splash in the deep waters after we turn this temple into a waterbed... Rest here and float in me.
Today I wrote my heart out it, ripped it through the pen and offered it to you as a gesture that I’m still waiting... I used it to provoke myself, thoughts of you rupturing me until I’ve exploded... Today I masturbated my heart out and my juices spelled “cum home and cum for me...”